Hi Leeeeeeeeee!

That's how our Realtor used to greet me. Grinning from ear to ear and waddling towards me, faced caked with make-up. Remember the baby on that show Dinosaurs ()? That was our Realtor. Anyway, she more or less sucked...not too mention we fell into a bit of a dual agency trap. Granted the only house we looked at with her that we were really interested in, she happened to be the agent for the seller...so it was sort of just luck. But she certainly did not play hardball for us. And why would she? Hardball against her own client (the seller) makes no sense. The higher the price, the better.

Anyway, it's hard to find a Realtor you like. So I wouldn't try too hard. What I would suggest is find someone who is a friend...or a friend of a friend. Someone who has something to lose by screwing you...or at the very least, not treating you extremely well. And find someone who knows something about houses. My real estate lawyer friend told me once that the best agents are engineers or contractors who have transitioned willingly and successfully to real estate. Because they actually KNOW about houses. They can make informed judgments about property even before an inspector steps foot in the place (although an inspector is a must).

Which brings us to inspectors. I could not be more disappointed with our inspector. He was a very nice guy...which isn't really all that helpful when trying to determine how deep a particular hole is that you will soon be throwing all your money into. So yeah, he was nice. He also used the words (and I quote) "no big deal" when describing our home's structural issues. And I wouldn't say he looked rich, but apparently 8 large is "no big deal" in his world. Anyway, the point is you want a pitbull. You want Sherlock Holmes. You want a rabid, anxious, pessimistic, disgruntled inspector who will make the seller cry. Hell...he can make you cry. Just make sure he looks long and hard into that hole (the one you're thinking of throwing your money into that is).

for the newbie home buyer

I only say that this is for the newbie home buyer because that is all we know. We bought a house as newbie home buyers, renovated it as newbie renovators, and are maintaining it as newbie home owners. That perspective is really all we have to offer. We certainly haven't attained any level of expertise but the ignorance with which we approached most things in this arena is still fresh (and sometimes present) in our minds. So here's to hoping it can help someone else.

The first thing I would say is very general and is probably the most difficult concept to fully internalize and acknowledge in one's decision making. It's sort of a paradox really and the worst part is that it sort of renders all other advice pointless...as I don't know if anyone can ever really get past it without getting stung at least a few times. You see, you can't always act on the standard pieces of advice that you hear from so many people and from so many sources. You will hear it, you will agree that it makes sense and then you will not only make those decisions that you were advised not to make, you will typically go to great lengths to convince yourself you have given this advice careful thought and that you are making an informed and intelligent decision to contradict conventional wisdom. You might think it's a calculated risk for which the rewards will be great...or maybe you think you'll be more capable of dealing with things more effectively than the average person, for whom this advice might be more appropriate. Or you might just thumb your nose at it with that rebel spirit that got you kicked out of class and had you running laps at practice.

So let me take this opportunity to tell you to believe it. Believe what people tell you. Believe what I say here about the pitfalls and challenges because they are real and can be financially, physically, and emotionally painful.

If you are extrememly experienced in the art of home renovation or are extraordinarily bored, rich, and patient, this advice may not be as important. Otherwise, never forget that people who know what they're talking about mean what they say when it comes to something like this.

So then the second piece of advice that I would offer, something that is equally as challenging, would be to please please please look practically at what you want in a house and not romantically. If this sounds familiar, it is because everyone who offers homebuying advice mentions this (don't tell me you forgot the first piece of advice already).

Decide what you want in a house. I mean, I know everyone wants a beautiful mansion, or a house on the lake, or an old Victorian in the village with all sorts of character, or an Ewok village...or whatever. Most people can't have it. Certainly not as their first house. So be practical about that. Think about the boring things that will shape your life after you move it. Commutes, taxes, neighbors, etc.

Decide what you can spend on a house. Factor in taxes and the interest rate you can get approved for (notice the economy lately? think fixed-rate people...fixed). Do NOT under any circumstances, assume you will find a way to afford more than you realistically can. This country is foreclosure crazy right now...

Do your best to find a house that meets these critera. Try and narrow your house search down and then do your best to bring someone who knows at least a little about houses. If you want to look at a "fixer-upper" bring someone who has renovated.

Don't write off the practical choice. Submitting to the practical choice is boring and can be depressing...even sickening. However, when it comes to home buying, the practical choice is more powerful than in almost any other process (except maybe staying in school and not talking to strangers and saying no to reality television and all that). When it comes to buying a house, the practical choice can make the next few years of your life significantly more enjoyable...whereas the romantic choice has the very real potential to make you miserable (house poor, dirty and demoralized by renovations, some combination thereof, etc).

When you look critically at a home you are seriously interested in, you will certainly find things about the house that detract from its appeal. Keep in mind that these are not necessarily show stoppers. I have a friend whose fiance would dismiss houses with interior paint that she didn't like. Unless you're having your home built, don't expect to find houses that you won't want to at least change a little. Painting (done well of course) for instance gives you as much bang for your buck as any renovation. There is an entire spectrum of things that you might find that will make a home less attractive to you as a buyer. They will range from the simple and purely aesthetic (e.g. the aforementioned painting, or landscaping, or use of space) to the functional and structural (HVAC systems, foundation, roof, etc). None of these means that you can't or must buy the house. The only role they should play in the decision is whether or not the price is fair and whether or not you are willing to commit to them if it is.

So say you find a house that you want. You'd like to live where it is and you'd like to live in it. And best of all, you think it's a steal. But then you find out why. The plumbing is going and the plaster ceilings are crumbling. If you think you could make a fair and reasonable offer (one that you can afford of course) taking these things into account, ask yourself if you're willing to pay for the repairs or undertake them yourself. If it doesn't or you aren't, walk away. Just walk away. Too bad, so sad...just walk away.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't ever compromise on your budget or how much work you are or (more importantly) aren't willing to take on. Take as long as you possibly can to make the best possible decision you can...and then stick to it.

Ok...next post I'll try and lay out what we learned about realtors and inspectors...we only had one of each but like I said, we're newbies.